So this is what I am. I am a hikikomori, a Japanese word with a negative connotation, meaning shut-in and recluse. However I am sure you will find this connotation is no reflection on the hikikomori themselves rather on their decision to be one.
To build a better picture of myself I think it best to explain what I do as a hikikomori: nothing. That is the joy and the sin of what I am, not by choice and not entirely through fear but through the movements I have made in my life.
So why blog? Well I suppose that comes with too much explanation and the easy way too put it is that I want to be happy. I want to walk with my head facing forward rather than buried in my chest, I want to be honest, I want to know what it feels like to be outside. Everyday feels like a lie when I am like this, especially now. I lie to people that I allow to pretend to be my friends and I try my best to behave accordingly but it is difficult considering my surroundings, an all girl high school. The decision to attend an all girl school didn't prompt me becoming a shut-in but it certainly did not help. I have been a shut in for five years, and before my eighteenth birthday I would like to discover some semblance of happiness outside of my closet.
I only ask you be patient with me because I am not very trusting but I am willing to change for happiness.
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