Emotional Difficulties

I am to blame for my own misfortune and I am to blame for my joy.
Each passing hour more difficulties reveal I am his little toy.

I am sorry for the absence it would seem that many things have lead to my derailment. My life so far has become quite average and interesting all at once and I am not quite sure how or why I am under going these...changes. I have always considered myself to be quite emotionless and very achieved at hiding that fact. However as my friendship with the opposite sex continues to develop and expand I find myself at a loss for words. But as you can see I have over come that no longer taxing issue. No now I shall regale you with my adventures thus far.

First I have to attend summer school because my sloth like behavior this year has finally caught up with me now that I am more vulnerable in this heat. Also it would seem that my "friends" of the opposite sex have multiplied and instead of being associated with just three young men I am now "friends" nine young men...it is not as glamorous as it seems. And for the last month my male friend J has sent me a text every single day ever since he procured from our mutual "friend" and puppet master Cam. Finally I ended my junior year with a possibility of affection for J.

And that is how life has been for the last few weeks a nightmare. My female associates from school believe that I may end up dating J, and I find my self thinking about it more and more since the idea has been presented. It would appear that I am no longer my empty emotionless self but a person with affections who dwindles on false hopes. I find myself thinking about dating but in truth I don't want to date my first friend. That's right not quotation marks just friend. J is an enthusiast about writing, reading, cheesecake and coffee which are things that make him and me great friends. But he is promiscuous and naughty for lack of a better word and even though I don't care much for anyone's sexual history I take all these things and more into account before I speak to him. What makes it worse, this flurry of thoughts described as emotions, is that they don't cease and he knows. He has an odd grasp on who I am. And every night that he sends me a message he wants to know more and more and more about me. Its coming to the point that he just calls me to save the strain on both of our phones and fingers.

And so it is I am riddled with emotion and it appears to be an affliction that has been long over due my only fear is how long will this last?